#1, from my beloved Aunt Judy

Why do the French only eat one egg at a meal?
It is un oeuf!

 #2, from my Grandpa Abe of beloved memory

Maman  told her three kittens, Un, Deux and Trois,
“Stay away from the pond! The water is deep.” 
But the little kitttens did not listen to their Maman.
So Un, Duex, Trois quatre cinc! (got sank)